These are my thoughts about Rule 13 from Jordan B. Peterson’s “40 Rules”. You can read them all here. In the case of the rules that made it into his “12 Rules for Life” book, I’m not going to repeat any of his explanations here. These are my own thoughts about each rule from my own life and experience.

13. Do not allow yourself to become arrogant or resentful.

Arrogant: I am better than you.

Resentful: I should have been treated better.

I can see how these two feelings could be closely related to one another, how they are linked by the idea of “better”.

With arrogance, I believe that I am better than someone else. I’m not talking about the self-confidence of knowing a skill. I’m talking about comparing my good or pretty good life situation (which my efforts had surprisingly little to do with) to someone else less fortunate.

With resentment, I believe that I am entitled to something better but haven’t received it. Probably, the reason I believe that I’m entitled to something better is because of the arrogance of believing that I am better.

I think the main reason I am attracted to Stoicism is the very clear delineation between things that are within my control and things that are not within my control.

The way to combat arrogance within myself is to realize that “There, but for the grace of God, go I”. Some people worked just as hard (or harder) than I did, aimed for the same goals, maybe even took the same steps, but life didn’t favour them like it did me. Or maybe I was born on second or third base and they weren’t even born in the stadium!

Resentment is the direct result of aiming for a specific outcome, expecting it, desiring it, and then being disappointed or angry when it doesn’t happen. To counter this, I must recognize that the only thing I can do is the work and that the outcome, no matter how hard I try for it, is not up to me. If the outcome doesn’t happen the way I want it to, then the only thing left is for me to move on to the next thing and be even better at that.

I also need to make sure, before I even think about being resentful, that I have done everything I can to give the outcome the best possible chance of being what I’m aiming for. If I haven’t done that, then I definitely have nothing to complain about and, if I have done everything possible, then it just wasn’t meant to be.