For many years, I had a problem with anger. One of the situations in which I would really lose my temper was driving. It seems to be a common ailment, even among people who manage to live the rest of their lives just fine outside of that steel cage on wheels.
I think there are a few reasons for this:
First, we believe that we’re in control when we’re behind the wheel. We’re not.
Second, we believe that we’re a better driver than everyone else on the road. We’re not.
Third, we believe that getting ahead of someone will get us to our destination significantly faster. It won’t.
Fourth, we believe that the patch of road immediately ahead of us is rightfully ours and that, at all costs, we should defend our right to enter it before anyone else. It isn’t and we shouldn’t.
We can solve this anger problem using a few Stoic principles:
- Worry about things that are within my control (what I drive, when I drive, where I drive, and how I drive). Do not worry about things that are outside of my control (how long it takes to get there, what other drivers do, how angry other drivers get).
- Expect the worst and don’t be surprised by it. I should not expect everyone else to act like I do. I should not expect a series of uncontrollable events to always work out perfectly (such as a trip taking exactly 45 minutes). If I expect everyone else to drive badly and act irrationally, then I can actually stay calmer during my drive because I won’t be surprised or irritated by their actions but instead will have prepared myself and planned my reactions ahead of time.
- Every person driving is acting in a way that seems best to them, a way that seems to them to have the most likelihood of producing the best outcome for them. They are not considering me. They are trying to get what they want. In other words, they’re not that different from me in their desires, even if they’re going about it in a way that I don’t agree with.
Like many things in life, this philosophy is simple but not easy.
Practice makes perfect.
I’ve also been trying another experiment that has changed my driving reactivity: drive exactly the speed limit.
It’s a surprisingly difficult exercise in self-control, especially if you don’t use cruise control to make it easy. It’s also a good way to stop caring what others think of you!