Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Robert J. Hanlon (or possibly Robert A. Heinlein)

There are variations on this theme that I prefer:

Tim Ferriss refers to it as incompetence rather than stupidity and adds “busyness” as an additional excuse.

Jane West wrote a very similar thought in 1812:

Let us not attribute to malice and cruelty what may be referred to less criminal motives.

Jane West, The Loyalists: An Historical Novel (1812)

I think this last one is my preferred version, simply because it doesn’t get too specific about the alternative reasons. It’s simply saying don’t assume that people are “out to get you” just because they do something that you don’t like or fail to do something you wanted them to.

I had a close friend who seemed to be incapable of replying to a voicemail, text, or email (from all sorts of people, not me alone). They read or listened to the message, decided that they’d deal with it later, and then it never crossed their mind again. People would contact me, wanting to know if my friend was mad at them or didn’t want to talk to them anymore. My answer was always the same: “No, they’re just busy” or “They get a lot of emails and it’s hard to keep up with them all.”

I found that the only way to get a reply was to repeat myself ad nauseum and to stress the urgency over and over again. “I need an answer by tonight” was a good choice. Another way I approached it was to present the message in terms of benefit to my friend. “If you reply to this email, it will save you much trouble later by heading off the problem early.” Something like that.

Over many years, I’ve found that it really helps me and my stress level, to say nothing of my relationships with others, if I assume the best motives I can come up with when people disappoint me.

The reason people aren’t coming to find you…is because they’re busy saving themselves.

Chase Jarvis

I’ll leave you with a similar quote. It doesn’t cover exactly the same ground but it’s still a helpful maxim to live by.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Rev Dr John Watson as Ian Maclaren, The British Weekly, 1897