For my entire adult life, I’ve struggled with allowing other people to make mistakes or do things differently than I would have. Wanting to be in control of not only the outcome, but the steps to get there, would be an understatement when describing my attitude.

In addition, I spent way too much of my life trying to win arguments. I won most of them but, looking back, it didn’t really benefit me in any material way and it certainly didn’t benefit the other person.

I’ve been re-reading (and listening to) Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

Little by little, I’m getting better. The Stoicism doctrine of worrying only about what’s within your control has been helping as well.

Here’s a quick chapter summary of Carnegie’s book. Most are self-explanatory, but I suggest picking up a copy for yourself.

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Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong.”
3. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.