God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

I first came across a slightly modified version of this prayer more than 25 years ago when I attended a Narcotics Anonymous meeting to support a close friend.

Since then, it would not be an overstatement to say that the idea contained in these three lines has become a foundational principle in my life. I’ve failed at keeping to it far more than I’ve succeeded but the underlying truth has never left me.

When I came across the philosophy of Stoicism a few years ago, I was struck by the similarity of some of its core themes. Immediately, that’s what attracted me to it.

Once I understood even more deeply that the things I can change are only what I say and what I do, it really helped with not stressing about anything. If I can do something about the issue in front of me, then I will do it to the best of my ability. If I can’t, then worrying about it is pointless and also harmful.

Even when I choose to do something, the outcome is beyond my control. Only the things I choose to do and the effort I put into doing them are within my power.

Epictetus says:

Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. Some things are up to us and some things are not up to us. Our opinions are up to us, and our impulses, desires, aversions—in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions, our reputations, or our public offices, or, that is, whatever is not our own doing.

I also really liked this 1865 rhyme by W.W. Bartley:

For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.

I know this sounds like it’s too simple and trite, but I’ve found that thinking this way when facing potential stressful situations clarifies my thoughts and my actions and allows me to focus on only what I can do.

The outcome is not mine to control (far too many variables, including luck). What other people do is not mine to control. And, of course, anything random such as a natural disaster is way outside my circle of influence.

I hope this helps.

Note: all of the above quotes came from Wikipedia. I did check the references!